If Jerry Seinfeld sucked this badly his first time, surely anyone can go for their dream

Jerry Seinfeld:

I did Catch a Rising Star one night. I guess this would actually qualify as my strangest experience. This is definitely it. 

My first time onstage, I write the whole act out, you know, and I put it there on my bed and rehearse it, over and over again. I’m standing there with a bar of soap, like it’s a microphone. And I got the scene memorized, cold . 

I get up on there, and it’s gone. I can’t remember a word. I was — I stood there for about thirty seconds with — saying absolutely nothing, just standing there, freaking out. I just couldn’t believe it, all these people were looking at me. And then, I was able to just remember the subjects I wanted to talk about. 

This is absolutely true, I’m not embellishing this at all, I stood there and I went, “The beach …ah, driving… your parents…,” and people started laughing because they thought this was my act. 

I couldn’t even really hear them laughing; I was like absolutely panicked. I think I lasted about three minutes and I just got off. 

That was my first show.

From Sick In The Head: Conversations on Comedy and Life by Judd Apatow

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